Seriously Whacked #1
Installment #1
In another amazing success, Brian Keene’s untitled, unwritten, and uncontracted novel has sold out from Delirium Books before the publisher even heard anything about it.
“I was really tired this morning,” said Keene. “So I was taking a shower, and my mind wasn’t all there, and I was holding the bar of soap, and I thought to myself ‘Maybe I should write a book about soap.’ Y’know, just one of those weird thoughts that pops into your mind for no real reason. Then I got out of the shower, dried off, checked my e-mail, and found out that all 500 numbered and 52 lettered editions of the soap book were already sold out!”
“I couldn’t believe it when all of those orders started pouring in,” said Shane Ryan Staley. “Obviously, Keene’s books have done very well for us, and Ghoul sold out before it was officially announced to the public, but for a book to sell out based on a fleeting barely-conscious thought is unheard of in this industry.”
“I’m not quite sure what I’m gonna do with the soap idea,” Keene admitted. “But the book isn’t due for two more weeks, so that gives me a few days to think of something before I have to start writing. Maybe people will eat soap and turn into worms. Or eat worms and turn into soap. I dunno. Ob will probably be in it.”
One of Keene’s detractors posted some whiny-ass comments about the rapid sell-out on a message board, but they were edited too frequently to quote accurately by press time.
Untitled Keene Soap-Themed Book is expected to ship from Delirium Books this spring.
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Comment by John R Little on 13 December 2006:
Terrific! It’s great to see Jeff adding material here!! More! More! More!
Comment by Stevefaust on 13 December 2006:
I’m pissed! Why didn’t I get the email about the Untitled Keene Soap-Themed Book???
Comment by kresby on 14 December 2006:
damn seriously. hahaha
Thanks gentleman!
kresby
Comment by Tod Clark on 14 December 2006:
Where the hell are those laughing smilies when you need em. Strand ALWAYS makes me laugh!
-TC
Comment by jpokela on 14 December 2006:
If intrinsically what I know and feel to be true manifests itself in the greater world in intellectually satisfying progressions of multi-layered ideation and creation then it becomes true and obvious that soap slips and whoop crap on the floor again. I hate that.
Comment by macker on 14 December 2006:
lmao… this is my kind of short…
taking the piss suits the length of the story, because you don’t want to get into to much trouble by having 300 pages of this shit.
HAHAHAHAHAAA ob will probably be in it… classic!!
cheers jeff. that made me laugh more than chris’s posts
Comment by Scott Berke on 14 December 2006:
I think I saw a copy of the Untitled Keene Soap-Themed Book on E-bay already.
Comment by Chris Hansen on 14 December 2006:
Heh, that was good. Thanks, Jeff.
Comment by dezm on 14 December 2006:
That was funny. The Ob sentence was the best. LOL. You should pick an author each week and take the piss. Good stuff.
Comment by dmarty on 15 December 2006:
Family guy did it!!!
Comment by JeffStrand on 22 December 2006:
Thanks, everyone! I turned in #2 this morning. They won’t ALL be satirical press releases, but the next one will.