[Project Corrosion] TALL TAIL
TALL TAIL
by Shane Ryan Staley
© 2007 by Shane Ryan Staley
All Rights Reserved.
The creature was pulp. A bloody smear across the road, bones ground almost flush with the asphalt.
“What the hell is it?” my brother Josh inquired.
I cringed at the mass. “Dunno.”
It could have been many things: a farm cat, a skunk or even a red fox, but not even the world’s most educated conservation officer or biologist would’ve had a clue.
I’ve seen dead things on the road all my life. But the most disturbing thing about this poor creature was its tail. While its body was mashed, its tail remained discolored, but still furry and fluffy, unmarred by the violent tread of tires that had squished the carcass for what appeared to have been days.
But there’s no way it had been dead there for days. I had left work earlier that morning and there was nothing in the road. The damn thing was perfectly centered in the road beyond my driveway, to where my brother and I had easily spotted it out the picture window in my living room.
At first glimpse, it sent shivers down my spine. The tail was standing erect in the road.
“Did you see this when you pulled in?” I asked. He had arrived a half hour earlier.
Josh shook his head. “It wasn’t there.”
“But there hasn’t been a single car come down this road since you got here!” I looked across the quiet countryside, Nothing. Then peered into the sky. Puffy white clouds dotted blue skies. I laughed. “Maybe it came from outer space!”
Josh glanced up, shook his head, not even the slightest smirk crossing his face. Obviously this was not a joke to him, but a logical conclusion. And that made me laugh harder.
“How the hell?” Josh asked, obviously troubled, watching the tail blowing in the breeze. He picked up a stick beside the road then poked the dried-out hide, scraping the encrusted meat in an attempt to discover what kind of animal it actually was.
“There’s no smell to it,” I stated.
Josh moved the stick down and batted the furry erection.
The tail jerked.
“Shit!” Josh yelled, jumping back. “Did you see that?”
I laughed. “It was the wind, dipshit.”
“The hell it was!”
“Then poke it again!”
He stepped back farther and looked at me as if I’d just told him to fuck a wild boar. Seconds passed, then the sibling rivalry kick in. He knew he’d never hear the end of it if he chickened out in front of his older brother, especially over a damn tail.
So he poked it again.
And the furry appendage ripped free from its anchored mass.
Josh shrieked and stumbled backwards.
I stood there, looking stupefied. Shocked, I found myself unable to flee. I could only watch the thing slither. It reached Josh within seconds. The tail wrapped around his ankle and coiled its way up his leg. Josh screamed as the creature dove beneath the gap in his shorts.
“GET IT THE FUCK OFF ME!” he yelled.
“Hold on!” I replied. I reached into my pants pocket and pulled the Swiss army knife free. I tossed it on the ground beside me then I dug deeper into my pocket, pulling out my cell phone. I jabbed the picture button, but it was slow to load. “Come on, hurry up,” I said. Finally an image of the road came into view. I panned over to frame the scene unfolding.
Josh was on his stomach, both hands reaching around his backside, pushing down on his jean shorts near the crotch. Beneath the denim, the mass wriggled, closer to his—
“Oh God, it’s in my ASS!” he cried.
I snapped the picture.
The whole horrible event lasted mere minutes.
The thing penetrated Josh, disappearing somewhere inside his ass.
To this very day, we never talk about that incident. In fact, we seldom talk at all anymore, only seeing each other during the holidays. There is always this awkward silence that, to this very day, still lingers between us.
But I can’t help but laugh sometimes. Especially after Mom told me about the day it finally came out. It was during his third date with Monica, a girl he had a crush on back in high school, when the creature tore its way out. Josh ripped his pants off in the middle of a movie theater, spilling popcorn and pop, straddling two seats, yanking violently to pull the creature free.
Panic spread throughout the theater after Monica screamed and ran for the exit.
Now there’s an “urban legend” around these parts about a “dog-boy” who was caught chasing his own tail in a public theater, but people just laugh and dismiss this story as a joke.
I sure don’t.
Three weeks after the thing emerged, Josh called me on my cell phone, asked me to meet him on a farm several miles from my house. He said he had been trying to find it since the night it escaped from the theater.
I arrived, finding one pissed off farmer with a giant hole in his overalls.
And the tail had grown.
It was at least five feet tall, standing erect at the edge of the cornfield, looking like a furry king cobra, watching the cattle graze.
“Holy fuck!” I commented.
All three of us unloaded several rounds into the creature that day. It slithered away into the woods and hasn’t been seen since.
But it will, I’m sure. One day it will emerge again. Each time that thing crawls up someone’s or something’s ass, it comes out taller. And with all the livestock spread across these Indiana farmlands, that son-of-a-bitch has to be a hundred feet tall by now.
And that, my friends, is one tall tail.
Comment by Shane Staley on 27 January 2007:
True story. Every single word of it!
Comment by Wrogdog on 27 January 2007:
Heh great story I am glad to see PC back. I found Delirum throiugh PC right before it ended. I read a couple of Delirium books and now I can’t wait every month for the new ones to come out. Your stories are so funny and the subject matter so different they make me laugh every time. Look forward to more.
Comment by Scott Berke on 27 January 2007:
My cousins, friends, siters, boyfriend was in the theatre that day and saw the Dogboy chasing his tail.
Comment by Shane Staley on 27 January 2007:
Wrogdog: Now, that’s great to hear. Usually it’s the other way around (people find PC through Delirium), so that’s refreshing to hear. I’m glad to have PC cross-promoting Delirium Books for a change!
Glad you like the stories. I have a bunch in my head that need to come out, so hopefully you guys will get to see a bunch over the coming months.
Comment by Shane Staley on 27 January 2007:
Scott: You got family in Indiana? Very cool!
Comment by diego on 27 January 2007:
Shane! Now I like that story! Just right:-)
Comment by diego on 27 January 2007:
Mine Got! did you give me that avatar?
Comment by Tod Clark on 28 January 2007:
It is fantastic to have PROJECT COROSION back. New Shane Ryan Staley is almost as good as getting a blow job while watching playoff football on a 60″ HDTV with surround sound!
Comment by Shane Staley on 28 January 2007:
Thanks for the compliment, Tod! Wish I had a 60″ HDTV with surround sound.