Horror D’oeuvre #11
The Drop
by Jeff Strand
© 2007 by Jeff Strand
All Rights Reserved.
Whoops. Parachute didn’t open. That’s not good.
Okay, no need to panic. There’s a backup chute somewhere. Is it this thing? No. This one? Uh-uh. Wish I’d paid more attention during the training. Damn cleavage.
Ground sure looks far away. Hope I hit a spongy part.
Guess I’m going to die. Think I’m taking it rather well. Would’ve expected to find myself shouting “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!” Almost at peace.
No, wait, peace is gone. Scared now.
So many things I wanted to do with my life. Like skydive. Pretty stupid way to deal with my mid-life crisis. Should’ve just stayed on the couch.
Hope it doesn’t hurt. Probably won’t. Predicting instant darkness on impact. Gotta be optimistic.
Heard that a fall from this height kills you before you even hit the ground. Always thought that was dumb. Think they meant that you die of a heart attack on the way down. My heart seems to be holding up rather well.
One nice thing about this situation is that I’ll get to choose my last thought. My final thoughts won’t be “Gosh, my butt itches” or something like that.
Really hope it doesn’t hurt.
Better than getting mauled by a pit bull. Or dying of cancer. Certainly one of the top ten ways I’d want to go, if I had to choose.
Would rather die in my sleep, though.
Unlikely that I’ll be able to fall asleep before I hit.
Ground’s getting closer.
Closed casket funeral for sure.
At least my financial affairs are in order. No burden on the kids.
Won’t get to see Greg graduate. But also won’t have to yell at him if he flunks out. Sort of a mixed blessing.
Y’know, if I’m doomed anyway, I might as well try to enjoy this skydiving experience. Get my money’s worth. Enjoy the adrenaline rush.
Woo-hoo!
Nope, not working. Too scared.
Wonder how far I have left to fall? Never been a good judge of distance. Not much longer until the end.
Should I hit feet-first, head-first, or try for a belly flop? Not certain it makes any difference. Head-first might be more impressive if somebody’s down there with a camera.
Hope I don’t hit anybody. Would hate to take an innocent life. Will just have to be careful.
This is definitely going to mess up my hair.
Heh heh. That was kind of funny. Must try to re-think it right before impact.
Ground is coming up fast.
Heart attack might be nice. Shouldn’t have changed my diet.
Gonna die.
Gonna die gonna die gonnadiegonnadiegonnadie.
This is definitely going to—
Ow.
Darkness.
I can’t open my eyes. There’s something on them.
Ahhh, nice cool breeze. Blew the dust off my eyeball. I can see now.
Am I still alive?
Can’t be. I’m looking at my splattered body. I guess an eyeball popped out. Surprised it still works.
Looks like the chute finally opened. That’s nice.
I’m hungry.
I had a bowl of pasta before the drop. That must be it next to my stomach.
Aw, crap. I don’t even have a jaw left. It’s in five…six…at least seven different pieces. Maybe eight. I can’t be sure what that one chunk is.
Go away, bird. Shoo. I mean it.
Being eaten.
Darkness.
Dammit.
Comment by SLIM on 21 February 2007:
I don’t know about horror but it was damn funny.
Comment by kresby on 21 February 2007:
I must be sick to laugh at this. Thanks Jeff and Shane.
Comment by diego on 21 February 2007:
Well done Jeff. BTW, isn’t it supposed to be Jeff Sand’s turn now?
Comment by Tod Clark on 21 February 2007:
Jeff is always good for a chuckle. Good entry my friend!
Comment by Dale L. Murphy on 24 February 2007:
That was damn funny. If Jeff always writes like this I have been missing out. Can’t wait for the Sinister Mr. Corpse to come out.
Comment by meking on 24 February 2007:
Great story! Been there..sorta. 2 reserve rides, and ’til you find the “oh shit” pillow your thoughts tend to mimic this thought process. Back when I used to jump people called this high speed dirt! Talk about adrenaline…
Comment by crimsongremlin on 25 February 2007:
Fun story Jeff. Loved Pressure by the way.
Comment by JeffStrand on 26 February 2007:
Thanks, everyone! Tomorrow I’ll share the original ending that Shane (very wisely) said was too over the top.